“He did everything wrong… He came off as desperate, needy and clingy.”

You’re not that guy, are you?

This quote comes from community member “malknim” over at Reddit.com. Before continuing with this post, head on over and read what she has to say there.

While this might date me a bit (no pun intended), I remember watching a public TV show called Reading Rainbow hosted by LeVar Burton. The final segment of each episode had him reviewing a book or two and saying how great they were. Then — and I can still hear his voice in my head — he’d say, “but you don’t have to take my word for it.” Thereafter, a few kids would also say why they thought the books LeVar liked were so awesome. Classic.

Reddit’s “malknim” is my but-you-don’t-have-to-take-my-word-for-it girl. This is what the phrase “how’s the day treating you” is all about. It’s not gender specific. It’s possibilities are endless. It opens doors and creates relationships.

Remember this from my post the other day? “While there are exceptions to every rule, you should approach a basic conversation with a woman (e.g. discussions about the weather, sharing a meal, getting coffee together, sports, art, etc.) the same way you’d approach the same conversation with your best guy friend.” Let me illustrate this for you.

All relationships start in the same place. They all start with open and friendly dialogue and a sincere desire to get to know another person, regardless of who they are, what they look like, or their meaning in your life. Problems occur when a woman can, as “malknim” says, “smell your sexual desperation from a mile around” and continues by adding, “chances are she will be creeped out. Just chill.”

Just chill.

You wouldn’t talk to your boss the same way you talk to your girlfriend, and you won’t joke around with your best friend like you do with your boss. But chances are, if these are all healthy relationships, they started off very much in the same way. It is in the mastery of the basic “getting to know you” activities that men really find success with the opposite sex. Too often guys want to just skip over the first steps in a relationship and get right to the sexy stuff that a lot of the PUA’s advertise. It doesn’t work that way. You can’t learn calculus until you’ve passed algebra. You can’t get a girlfriend or a FWB until you learn to say hello.

Sometimes the beginning steps can be the most difficult, and that is often why guys try and skip them, thinking they can cheat the system and not face their fears. Tomorrow I’ll talk about this resistance and some ways to overcome it.

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