You’ve made it to The Champ Report. And I’m very glad you’re here.

I’m an obsessive people watcher. There’s nothing better than a warm spring day, about 74 degrees, and enjoying a glass of wine or a cold beer at a sidewalk cafe. From the strangers walking by to the waitresses bringing the drinks to the couples at the tables around me, I can’t get enough of seeing how people interact with one another. I sort of feel like a spy…

Over the years I’ve learned a lot by observing people. It’s amazing the do’s and don’ts that come to the surface after watching only a handful of couples. I never overlook a larger group of men and women together, whether it be a group of random singles at a bar or perhaps perfect strangers tossed together at a cocktail party. The way people look, talk, dress, stand, and speak - amongst a multitude of other factors - all play a part in how one person will perceive another.

Watching people has been a nearly lifelong obsession, and I remember my best friend growing irritated at me one afternoon as my people gazing made me less than attentive as he and I talked at one of my favorite cafes. We couldn’t be any different, he and I. This was about 10 years ago, and we had just embarked upon our adult lives, trying to get settled into all those things that 20-somethings need to get settled into. In college I spent most of my time watching people and chasing girls. He actually went to class, studied, and graduated with a fancy degree on a full ride. Needless to say, I was a little jealous.

Evidently, the feeling was mutual…

I remember him breaking my people-watching stare with a loud, “KYLE!” I don’t recall exactly what I said, but I apologized saying that I should be paying more attention when he was talking. To my surprise, he wasn’t upset about my staring off into space, but was distraught over something that I hadn’t even noticed.

“I can’t believe what you’ve done with your life,” he said.

Great. Just what I needed. A reminder from my Ivy League buddy that I spent the best years of my life staring off into groups of people while he actually did something with his life. Truth be told, despite not going to class, studying my text books, or paying any real attention to academics, I really learned a lot in college. Unfortunately, the things that I picked up at my overpriced university didn’t do a hell of a lot of good on my transcripts. And, of course, I couldn’t wait for my friend to remind me of that.

He continued by saying, “I can’t believe how things have come so easily to you since we graduated! You can talk to anybody.”

Luckily for me, at the time, I didn’t hear a word he was saying. Just before he went into his rant our waitress had approached us and wanted to know if we were in need of anything else. She was 22 - tops - and was seeing if we needed a refill. Our glasses, once full of adult beverages, were now empty.

From the time she asked if we needed another drink to the moment she left the table, I had learned that she was an only child, drove a 1998 Volkswagen Golf, and had just finished her art degree. Fancying herself rather talented, she hoped that she could find a spot in a co-op somewhere so that she could pursue her passion for sculpture. She had a Yorkie. His name was “Sammy.” Our waitress’s name was “Emily,” and we had known each other for all of 18 seconds.

It doesn’t take much to pick up on a few clues on how to talk to and meet women; you just need to watch enough people to do the right things and figure it out. Or so I thought. As our waitress left, promising us both a glass of their new “house champagne,” Tim was gaping at me.

“How did you get 90 minutes’ worth of information out of that girl in 9 seconds?”

I wasn’t nearly as impressed with myself as he was. “What? I asked her if she was a dog person or a cat person.”

“But you kept it going, and she kept telling you more.”

I went on to say, “Tim - you’re a sharp guy; I’m just your average Joe that spends more time in bars and restaurants than I should, staring into a sea of men and women who are all trying to impress each other. It’s not rocket science to get someone talking. Trust me - just spend a couple of hours in a public place and you’ll be able to suss out the same info from her as I did.”

I later found out that it wasn’t that easy, and that my years of people watching had actually taught me more than I thought.

Like I said, Tim is a smart guy. And he’s not a bad looking guy either. But he was most comfortable sitting in a library or a classroom, which prepared him for life in a cubical somewhere with a big company and, subsequently, a big salary. But all the money in the world couldn’t buy him the confidence to talk to the barista where he gets his coffee in the morning, let alone the cute girl in the office next to his.

All considered, I was surprised when Tim approached me about a girl named Joan, a young professional who shares his same hallway at work. Tim wanted to know how he, if I could just talk to our hot waitress and manage to persuade her to bring us free champagne, could simply ask this woman to lunch on a Friday.

I was perplexed. I was honestly confused. “Well, Tim - you just go up and talk to her.” I got a deer-in-headlights look. He was clueless.

So I had to think about it for a minute. “Ummm… hmmmm… why don’t you start with, ‘how’s the day treating you?’” He pulled out some paper and a pen. He was taking notes. I rolled my eyes and said, “Dude - it’s not that complicated. You don’t need to take notes. Just be yourself. Just ask her if she wants to grab a bite to eat.”

At this point he was visibly frustrated. “It’s not that EASY to just ‘be yourself.’ Not everyone can talk to women the way you do. You think anybody can just surround themselves with people like that? Help me here: what do I need to do next after I say ‘do you want to grab a bite to eat?’”

This is when it dawned on me! I’d learned more than I thought. After hours and hours, years and years of watching singles, couples, and groups of men and women interact, I had actually fine-tuned how I went about interacting with the opposite sex as to give me the best chance at success with women!

My challenge was to deconstruct what I did to make it palatable in small, easy steps for Tim to digest.

What most frustrated Tim was when people told him to just “be himself.” Tim helped me realize that sometimes we don’t know who we really are, and it takes some time and some work to uncover our true personalities and social abilities. We continue to work together to this day, and while everyone can always improve (myself included), Tim’s social calendar is now booked for coffee dates with - literally - the girl next door. His weekends are usually spent hiking with this fit, attractive blonde named Sarah, and every couple of weeks he spends the night in with Suzanne cooking a gourmet meal and drinking a good bottle of wine.

Tim uncovered his true self. He stands a little taller now. He speaks with more authority. No longer the wall flower that goes unnoticed, he subtly commands attention with the confidence he exudes. He writes his own story when it comes to his social life, and his schedule is full of smart, sexy women with which he enjoys a variety of physical, intellectual, …and intimate activities.

I feel good about being able to help Tim and, as the years have progressed, the handful of other men who have become a part of the small circle I’ve assisted. I’m thankful, however, for as much as I’ve helped Tim, he’s helped me ten-fold. He helped me uncover a treasure trove of knowledge inside of me that, by passing these insights on, have helped guys transform their lives, enjoying the company of the women they’ve always dreamed of.

So here I am today, sitting at a cafe similar to the one where I had that first conversation with Tim, and I’ve realized that there are a world full of “Tim’s” out there that could use some help when it comes to those girls they’ve never had the guts to approach or talk to. Over the years I’ve jotted down some of the things that have worked - and some of the things that haven’t. After some prodding from Tim and those close to me, I’ve decided to try sharing some of the things that have worked best for me and the guys I’ve worked with in this public and open forum called “The Champ Report.” Should you be inclined to continue reading, please keep these things in mind:

• I’m no guru or magician, so keep things in perspective and bear with me. My experiences and the reports I’ll share are meant to be “templates,” not fail safe scripts to be repeated. As long as you apply the advice to your particular situation, you’ll be fine.

• Be patient! I wish I were some sort of genius that could help men solve their problems overnight, but I’m not. Some things you’ll be better at, and on other things you’ll need some serious work. Just be honest with yourself regarding where you are and you’ll start to see improvement, provided you’re working at it. Remember: we’re all in this together.

One more thing… as you’re reading through my rambles and rants these coming months, I hope you’ll add your two cents in the comments. You might have a better way of doing things, and if so, share your thoughts! If you’ve had some success with the techniques offered, let us know! If you’re struggling, put it out there… I want this to be a community where we can work together to achieve our common goals.

I have to admit, it’s taken me WAY too long to write this. The only excuse I have is that I’ve been spending too much time gazing at the numerous people sitting and talking at this little restaurant. If you haven’t started some gazing of your own, I recommend you start. You’ll learn the most just by watching others.

Until next time…

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