I can honestly say that I learned more from the first few guys I worked with than they learned from me, and often times this is still the case. Much like a personal trainer or financial planner, you can be given all the good advice in the world but if you don’t ACT on it, nothing ever changes. Teaching men how to meet more women is easy. Teaching them to ACT on the HOW can be hard.

Below is an excerpt from one of my favorite books called The War of Art by Steven Pressfield. He talks about a force that he calls Resistance that, quite simply, keeps us from doing what we should be doing. Take a look at this list… do any of these apply to your life?

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Resistance’s Greatest Hits

The following is a list, in no particular order, of those activities that most commonly elicit Resistance:

1) The pursuit of any calling in writing, painting, music, film, dance, or any creative art, however marginal or unconventional.

2) The launching of any entrepreneurial venture or enterprise for profit or otherwise.

3) Any diet or health regimen.

4) Any program of spiritual advancement.

5) Any activity whose aim is tighter abdominals.

6) Any course or program designed to overcome an unwholesome habit or addiction.

7) Education of every kind.

8) Any act of political, moral, or ethical courage, including the decision to change for the better some unworthy pattern of thought or conduct in ourselves.

9) The undertaking of any enterprise or endeavor whose aim is to help others.

10) Any act that entails commitment of the heart. The decision to get married, to have a child, to weather a rocky patch in a relationship.

11) The taking of any principled stand in the face of adversity.

In other words, any act that rejects immediate gratification in favor of long-term growth, health, or integrity. Or, expressed another way, any act that derives from our higher nature instead of our lower. Any of these will elicit Resistance.
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The act of bettering our social lives, trying to meet quality women, and surrounding ourselves with people that make us feel more confident and self-assured definitely attracts Resistance. And Resistance doesn’t waste any time. It shows up right at the beginning before you even get started.

At first this surprised me. A coaching session would end, the guy I was working with would leave, and a couple of days later we’d reconvene to discuss the things that he worked on between sessions. I found that, more often than not, no action was being taken. I just couldn’t get it.

My mistake was that instead of making these guys address why they weren’t taking action, I just moved on in the process with more teaching. The result? I had some really “book smart” guys when it came to meeting women, but none of them could actually DO anything. It’s much like me and basketball. I love the game and I can talk basketball all day long. But if you actually put me on a basketball court, it’s not pretty.

So I started being their anti-Resistance. I would refuse to go on in the process until they mastered what was keeping them from acting on their fears. Much like “Comfort Challenges” that Timothy Ferriss uses in The 4-Hour Work Week, I would give these guys distinct assignments that they had to master. I didn’t care if it took a week, a month, or a year: there was no moving on. Remember: it is your responsibility to make the changes you desire to see in your life. While there are a lot of resources out there, no one can make the changes for you.

So what type of challenges would I propose? Take our “Five Magic Words“, for instance. Guys have been deathly afraid of these words! Why? Because inevitably they create conversation, and that’s something that can be intimidating if you’re not used to talking to everyone. So I would set benchmarks that would look something like the following:

Assignment:
Use “Five Magic Words” twice per day for the next five days. You’re allowed to miss one usage of the phrase and one only. Record the results of each interaction where FMW were used. If not completed, assignment will be re-assigned for next week.

I set these assignments so they would be attainable. If I felt like that, realistically, a guy was only ready to do it once a day, I wouldn’t ask him to do it three. I’d rather set the bar at once per day, and if he did it twice, he walks away feeling good about his progress, and that’s what it’s about. Making progress.

Do a self-assessment. Where are you in your interactions with the opposite sex? What scares you? Where do you feel like you’re lacking? Hone in on one area and work on it. Refuse to move on until you’ve mastered it. With slow and steady work, you’ll find that the success you’re looking for will actually come faster than expected.

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